.SOMETIMES RAW.

To round up this year I want to say that 2024 treated me really well. It was amazing and loaded with changes – good and bad ones, sad, painful, inspiring, loving, stressing and relaxing. My son and I are healthy which is the most important thing! I stopped drinking alcohol almost two years ago and am the best version of myself. Quit drinking booze was one of the best decisions of my life. If you know your body, you know when enough is enough and at this point, you must act accordingly. Without doubt and regret but with your health in focus, you keep moving forward one day at a time. This doesn’t apply to alcohol only, obviously.

It was definitely a year of transformation, even a bit life-changing. Events that physically and emotionally pushed me to new limits. It was a growing year for sure and sometimes, with growth comes pain. And one thing that will never change is this oh-so-familiar bittersweet sadness when my parents left my place after Christmas to head back to Germany. Sad. Ever. Single. Time. But it means that I love them so much and am glad to live closer to them now than when I was in New York or Canada.

Whenever there is sunshine, rain or rough times are usually around the corner. This is life. It challenges us, makes us fall and stand back up to do it all over again. I stumbled, I made mistakes, and I learned by figuring everything else out along the way. I parted ways with some people and made many new friends. People come and go.

Today we will take a long traditional New Year’s walk in the cold to realize that 2024 flew by in a heartbeat and I am so, so grateful. I want to thank the universe for all the hard stuff I had to deal with. Whatever bad happened, I was always able to find myself again, even though the roads were very dark or lonely sometimes. Why? Because I am a fighter who finds a way no matter what. I could go on with this list but what I really want to do is to look to the future instead of pondering about the past. The past is the past, after all. We cannot change it. It is gone forever.

So what is next? What have I planned for 2025?

I don’t ask for much. I want to be present in the moment, be healthy, focus on my family, house and garden and be fully here to do everything in the best way possible. One step at a time, little pieces, nothing huge. 2025 will also be a year of travel. Japan, the U.K., and Italy to explore this world. I was fortunate to travel quite a bit in 2024 with New York as a highlight. Another goal is to simplify my life more and remove stress. I will reevaluate more on things I thought I needed that turned out to be so useless. 

So, leaving the old year behind and starting something new, nice and fresh is awesome. Here are some reminders and final thoughts for 2025:

1. Think
2. Focus on ‘Now’
3. Don’t burden yourself or drag yourself down
4. Pare down your belongings to lighten body and mind
5. Just be, as you are. Don’t be fake.
6. Be gracious
7. Recognise limitations
8. Don’t rush, don’t panic
9. Cherish the morning. Be happy you have been given another day to play this game called life
10. Live by your own standards. Don’t be swayed by other people’s standards
11. Don’t go against your feelings
12. Make your evenings calm
13. Keep at it, slow and steady
14. Use the right words
15. Either accept your circumstances or change them, but stop whining
16. Spend time in nature
17. Think before you speak
18. Admit errors. Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes
19. Don’t hesitate to ask for help
20. Be a good listener

I am thankful for my family, for my parents and siblings, grandparents in heaven, uncle, aunt cousins, nephews, friends and this growing community of Sometimes Raw readers. I wish all of you a Happy New Year and hope 2025 brings everything you want and hope for. 

Look, this place needs to be administrated, and I’m the guy to do it. I know you’ve been doing your best, but you’ve been held back. You haven’t been given what you need to be successful. And I’m not talking about money. I’m not talking about resources and opportunities for growth. You’ve had plenty of that. Your problem is that no one gave you the administration you need to be successful. And that’s why I’m gonna administrate the absolute shit out of this place.

This place is primed to make boatloads of money—and I mean boatloads. Are we gonna help some students along the way? Yeah… probably. But you don’t need to worry about that. All you need to worry about is helping me get butts in seats so we can bring home that sweet, sweet bank.

I’m not just all about the money. I’ve got other priorities—strategic ones, if you know what I mean. And I won’t rest until you are literally dreaming about those strategic priorities. Do I care if those dreams are nightmares? Nope. All I care about is your being fully committed to aligning our existing resources with key growth areas in a way that ensures sustainable development and long-term impact.

And if that last sentence didn’t get you on board, I don’t want you working here.

I’m all about the data too. In fact, you better hope there’s an airbag behind those assessment dashboards, because this administrator doesn’t have brakes. I’ll give you so much data-driven decision making you’ll think you work for fucking NASA. But instead of finding black holes and putting motherfuckers on Mars, we’re going to make sure every kid in town, whether they can read and write or not, gets a diploma. I don’t care what they do with it.

We’re gonna realign our mission so well you’ll think I’m your chiropractor. And like your chiropractor, I’m gonna unlock your full potential by putting you into positions that make you uncomfortable. Will I be gentle? Nope. Will there be side effects? Yup. They include serving diverse communities, some bullshit about sustainability or lifelong learning, and my favorite: increased efficiency. You just lay back and take a deep breath. This will only hurt for a moment.

Do I care about the community? You bet your sweet ass I do. The needs of this community are gonna get met. I will foster so many meaningful partnerships, you’ll think I’m Tinder. And my targeted outreach is gonna look like tactical drone strikes. I’ll be blowing up emerging challenges like they’re goddamn terrorists.

I’ll have you eating new policies and guidelines for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You’re gonna be shitting new revenue streams by morning. I’m gonna leverage cross-college collaborations like an absolute boss. I’m gonna drive so much innovation you’ll think it’s Miss Daisy. I’m gonna position us so well in this evolving educational landscape, you’re gonna think I’m Charles Darwin. Survival of the fittest? More like “arrival of the fittest,” and you don’t need to worry, because with me, the fittest has arrived.

Look, I know what you’re thinking. A high-quality university administrator with this much energy can’t possibly plan to stay long at a place like this. And you’re right. I’ll have this place fully administrated in two years tops, and I’ll be ready to move on to the next place I’m gonna save.

Until then, enjoy the ride, fuckers!

*My red and green flags in relationships and in life. Those who get it, get it. Those who don’t are probably added to the red flag list.

You’ve probably had a friend who started dating someone who really made you scratch your head. The person was flaky, possessive, and high-drama. Everyone could see that it was toxic and really bringing your friend down…everyone, that is, except your friend.

You tell yourself, “That would never happen to me.”

But then it does.

What gives? How do people end up in unhealthy relationships despite warning signs that their partner was bad news to begin with?

Answer: we’re blinded by love.

I am by far not a pro when it comes to dating. I also have done a lot of stupid shit in my life and seen a lot of bullshit in other people’s relationships and marriages but ever since my frontal lobe started developing after my divorce, I have been keeping a running list of things that help me gauge who is cool and who is someone I would have to pay an energy healer to help me cut energy ties from.

I don’t think it is easy to date or meet someone who is not a psycho killer, cheater, alcoholic, homeless guy, still lives with their parents by age 45, has never had a relationship by age 45, doesn’t understand that it is not cool to be stoned all day every day, doesn’t know what a book is… I could go on and on. So, to make it easier for you to date someone and don’t make my mistakes, here is a list of possible red flags. And of course, also some green flags to round it all up. I am just throwing it out there. These tips might come in handy when you decide to hang out with “Mango 87” on Tinder whose hobby it is to go out to get f***ing trashed every day.  

.Green Flags – Go Ahead and Date this Person.

1. Date the person if they have traits such as tact, respect, honesty, self-care, communication skills, avoidance of being overly emotional, being honest with themselves, setting boundaries, and good connections with family and friends; if you can be yourself without playing some dumb role or being fake, and if you are being able to communicate your own needs!
2. Date a person who is listening to a great song in the car and they will pull up to their destination but wait till the song’s finished to go inside. I trust you fully understand the way you move through the world.
3. Date a person who is confident enough and pays no mind to the fact that I’m wearing vintage lingerie as an outfit at like 11 am for some reason. In other words, let me be myself.
4. Date a person who appreciates good food and makes a badass brunch on Sunday morning. Date someone who eats cake with you at all times. Or ice cream. Or chocolate. Watch out for eating disorders!
5. Date someone who you feel comfortable with at all times.
6. Date people who let you be yourself and respect your boundaries.
7. Date people who give you space for your individual goals and interests, separate from each other.
8. Date people who give you a mutual physical and emotional connection.
9. Watch out if words and actions match and if the person takes responsibility for their actions.
10. Date people who respect you and your wants and needs as well as an understanding towards each other’s perspectives (even if you disagree)
11. Date a person who is able to openly discuss goals, values, and needs.
12. Date someone who looks for a commitment to the relationship, in both time and energy. Unless you just want sex. Then obviously this is what you will get.
13. Date someone who respecs you! Respecting each other is so important (and being able to express this to each other).
14. Date someone who will give you balance (you get energy from spending time together and apart).

.Red Flags – Do NOT Date this Person Unless You Love To Suffer.

I don’t want to narrate all the obvious red flags here but I sort of have to because some people accept crazy shit like below on a daily basis from their partners. Stay far away from anyone who shows 1)overly controlling behaviour, 2) lack of respect or trust, 3) Lack of emotional support and accountability, 4) any kind of abuse/ substance abuse, 5) codependency!!!, 6) social isolation, 7) inability to communicate freely, or 8) love bombing when it seems like too much affection from the start or being overly jealous… to name just a few that popped up in my little head.

When navigating the complexities of all this, your instincts act as a vital compass. Often, we ignore these gut feelings, swayed by a new partner’s charm and initial appeal. But these instincts are a critical safeguard and want you to be safe. Initially, everyone places their best foot forward. Nonetheless, pay attention if there’s an unshakable feeling of discomfort or unease. If it feels weird, it usually is! Don’t date this person if…

1. If they are in Federal Prison for Murder. Also, don’t be the pen pal.
2. Lying.
3. When nothing is ever the person’s fault but always yours. ESPECIALLY when it comes to past relationships. If everyone they ever dated was an asshole…you’re just the next in line to be the “asshole”.
4. they have no self-confidence.
5.  People who trash “live laugh love” and who are miserable all the time.
   There’s nothing I wish more than to live, to laugh, and to love. Do I like people who are reminding themselves of what life is all about? Yes! These are all great aspirations and I will defend them until I become them one day.
6. People who consistently take neutral stances in important debates. One time I was in a heated debate with someone over how Romano cheese is actually more delicious than Parmesan and when someone at our table I didn’t really know chimed in and said, “I don’t have an opinion, it’s just cheese.” First of all, JUST CHEESE??? Second, it’s never just cheese, the world is apathetic and boring enough.
7. They sign off their emails with “cheers”. I will not be elaborating on this at this time.
8. People who always and only wear Crocs, don’t eat vegetables, majored in psychology, people who think all water tastes the same, people who take ten years to respond to a text or don’t call back, people who have more than three cups and three plates on their bed in the bedroom with ants crawling all over it,

To sum this up, remember that you can’t force your partner to change; the change has to come from within and if they want to. Also, problems that you notice at the beginning of a relationship tend to amplify themselves as the relationship deepens. Knowing that your judgment is clouded, it’s important to enter any serious relationship with both your head and your heart.

You need to be able to distance yourself from the powerful emotions you’re likely feeling in a new relationship so that you can notice any red flags that might indicate that you’re destined for a relationship from hell. This is even more important if you’re considering marriage. I hope this helps.

And that’s it for now — but I am more than willing to add your green/ red flags if you share them here and they make sense. What do you think?? What are yours?

Stay safe out there and happy dating.